there

just a little caught in the middle.

I have a new appreciation of chest pain. And how fragile trust is.

something positively stunningly out-of-this-universe adorable

atmosphere

 I feel like I'm walking a thin line.

"I can't believe I lived this long without your love..." she whispered weakly.
"You've had it. I've always loved you," he said quietly, threading his fingers through her hair to pull her head to his chest. "I just didn't know your name."

Children of the same family, the same blood, with the same first associations and habits, have some means of enjoyment in their power, which no subsequent connections can supply... ~Jane Austen, Mansfield Park, 1814

 

Its different then I thought it would be...

Its ...harder.

But I suppose everybody thinks they would be different, until they try it themselves.

A piece of perfection.

celebration

October 24, 2009

my mom is hiding cancer treatments

my best friend is probably lying to me

and winter is here.

don't know what's wrong with me. It's like all I can do is keep writing this gibberish to keep from breaking apart.

It’s completely impossible to find a guy who won't hurt you. So instead, go for the guy who will make the pain worthwhile.

She wouldn't care if you called her and woke her up just to talk. She hates arguing, but she's good at it. Scary movies make her paranoid. She hates it when people don't call her back. She envies every couple she sees walking around showing their happiness. She only wants to be happy and lately all she thinks about is (you.)

  

you can't undo words

Just say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t expect someone to read your mind, and don’t play games with heads or hearts. Don’t tell half-truths and expect trust when the full truth comes out. Half-truths are no better then lies. Don’t be cold to someone you care about.

Time together is just never quite enough

thoughts

vanilla twilight

would you lie with me, and just forget the world?

'

Here's wishing you the bluest sky,
And hoping something better comes tomorrow.

journaling

I think that's what i find most strange about this world; nobody ever says how they feel. They hurt, but they don't cry out. They're happy, but they don't dance or jump around. And they're angry but they hardly ever scream, because they feel ashamed. Nothing's worse than that. So we all walk around with our heads looking down and never look up and see how beautiful the sky is.

I like to make myself believe that planet earth moves slowly

yes, me

to a fault

This one's for the lonely
The ones that seek and find
Only to be let down
Time after time

This one's for the torn down
The experts at the fall
Come on friends get up now
You're not alone at all

And this part was for her
This part was for her
This part was for her
Does she remember?

It comes and goes in waves, i....

This one's for the faithless
The ones that are surprised
They are only where they are now
Regardless of their fight

This one's for believing
If only for it's sake
Come on friends get up now
Love is to be made

And this part was for her
This part was for her
This part was for her
Does she remember?

It comes and goes in waves,
I am only led to wonder why
It comes and goes in waves
I am only led to wonder why
Why I try

This is for the ones who stand
For the ones who try again
For the ones who need a hand
For the ones who think they can

It comes and goes in waves,
I am only led to wonder why
It comes and goes in waves
I am only led to wonder why
Why I try

(not mine)

 Advice for the future:



Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts.


Floss.


Don’t waste your time on jealousy.


Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults.


Keep your old love letters.


Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines.


Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.


Pray.      

a l o n e

The best moments in reading are when you come across something-
A thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things--
That you'd thought special, particular to you.
And here it is, set down by someone else,
a person you've never met, maybe even someone long dead.
And it's as if a hand has come out and taken yours.

r o o m

the summer has come and gone

Come on, come out
The weather is warm
Come on, come out
Said come on, come on

A spot in the shade
Where oranges fall
A spot in the shade
Away from it all

Watching the sky
Watching a painting coming to life
Shaping and shifting
Staying inside
It all goes it all goes by

A blanket unfolds
A blanket tonight
The pieces of gold
They light up your eyes
Now we're alone
Now we're alive

Watching the sky
Watching the painting come to life
Shifting and shaping
Staying inside
It all goes it all goes it all goes by

Stopping the time
Rushing, waiting
Leave it behind
Shifting and shaping
Keep it inside
It all goes it all goes it all goes by
It all goes passing by
It all goes passing by

it smells like fall

 

things I cannot photograph

- a broken heart                                                    

-how beautiful a starry night really is

-the warmth of sunshine

-laughter

-how much I love people

-my tangled emotions

-the smell of fall

r a n d o m q u o t e s

 (that ring true)


-The saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad.
You know, when Sad tries to bite its lip and
not cry and smile and go, “No, I’m happy for you”?

- The way to find out if you love someone or not,
is by talking to them.
The more you talk to them the
more you either hate them or love them

- i've caught your eye for so long
all this time we both sat and wondered,
why didn't you just say something?


- And when I asked you
how you'd been I meant I missed you
more than I've ever missed anything before.

- my greatest fear in life is not to have a big enough
impact on someone's life to always be remembered.


- Because he knows you have to laugh at the things
that hurt you just to keep yourself in balance,
just to keep the world from running you plumb crazy.

-it's probably not the best time to tell you this, but .. well .. maybe it's the perfect time. i realize how incredibly confusing things are between us right now. i can't even begin to explain our relationship. you probably can't either. but i want you to know, that if you ever need me, i'll always be here for you. all you have to do is ask.


-your mistakes do not define you now
and tell you who you're not
you've got to live this life
like it's the only one you've got

-"there are better things ahead
than any we leave behind."
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(it's comforting to have other people put into words what I feel) 

the greatest of these

1 John 4:8
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

 

People advocate love and peace,

but then are not willing to be understanding when someone's tired,

to reach out to the lonely, and say hello to anyone and everyone.

  

 If someone loves you, give love back to them.

in whatever way you can. not only because they
love you, but because in a way, they are
teaching you to love and how to open your heart
and eyes to everything that's around you.

   

'Our days would be happier

if we gave people a little bit of our hearts,
rather than a piece of our mind'

1 John 3:18

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

 

 I hope that someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight,
and that's all they do. They don't pull away. They don't look at your face.
They don't try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms,
without an ounce of selfishness in it.

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the days are swift and long at the same time.

Friday, August 28, 2009

So this is when we finally learn the real meaning of change. You do the things you used to be against, you fall for the people you thought you never would and you befriend the people you used to hate. You'll learn what it's like to have your heart broken, to lose a friend who truly meant something to you and to feel as if everything is really falling apart. There will be times when your life seems absolutely horrible, it feels like it's not real. But despite all this, good things will come too. You'll make the most amazing friends who will be there for you when they probably shouldn't be. Your broken heart will heal once you find the most perfect guy you've ever met and as nothing else can go wrong, things will only get better. There will be days you are so happy and days you feel like dying. Drama happens, gossip goes around and people talk crap. Maybe this is just the teenage years, maybe it's life or maybe this is just what growing up is.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

It's strange how one little decision...easily influenced your mood, which was influenced by other peoples little actions...can snowball and change your whole world. It can change who you are...in fact, little decisions make up who you are.

 

When I leave I want to leave a memory filled with love, the kind you don’t forget. When I go I want to be known as one who lived with no regrets. I want them to say “she had so much to gain, but she gave it away.” And I want them to see something different in me, and that I’m going to be free.  

 

 I want to be the girl...who's the best friend. I AM the girl who's the best friend.

The person who people come to, and talk about their problems, and I listen, and give hugs and cups of tea. I want to give away myself, my heart, to people who need an ear. All of myself, made useful. So many people just need someone to talk to, who cares, to explain whats wrong to, not to get a solution, but to take some of it off their heart. I can do that.

"Before you, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars--- points of light and reason. ...And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

  

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f i r s t

'I can't forget you when you're gone
You're like a song that goes around in my head'
Lenka

You promised to never leave until I wanted you to, well, don't you know? I'm going to hold you to your word, this wasn't a pie crust promise.
I'm thinking of words to say, convince you how I feel, everyone else laughs at how obviously I've fallen for you, it's so pathetic. Maybe there's been so many girls...it's all the same to you.

 

Every little thing reminds me of you, it's quite pathetic how absorbed I am.
Some days you feel so real, but there's times that I wonder why unrequited love is my life's theme.
You say I seem so far away, well love, I'm right here waiting for you. No matter how sad it seems, I can't help it, my heart lifts when I see you there. Then morning comes, and I try not to notice how time flies.

You say it's better if you leave, that you're bad for me.
well, if tearing me apart is better, better than what? Isn't it bad enough that you're going in a few months?
Thinking of January reduces me to tears, please don't make it come any swifter.

Why are you so afraid of hurting me? You are one of the best things to ever happen to me.

I start to imagine talks, where I would make you laugh with every word I said...I would be insightful,

or witty, or charming...and you'd want to call me...and you know what? I would be there every time.

I may be quiet, yes, you make me bashful, did you know it's hard to make conversation when abashed?
You make me have butterflies, the first person to make me want to squirm with happiness
just because you stroke my hair. Why do you think that's a bad thing?

 

Somehow, I'm not much for words of affection, but you got under my skin, more than
anyone ever did. It's a tattoo, a undeniable mark that you left on me, there forever.
You've gone through so many girls, I over analyze your words, and waste my days remembering, but the truth is, I've never felt like this before. And suddenly I'm becoming part of your past, part of the part that's not going to last. And it breaks my heart.

You'll find another girl, but I don't know that it's so easy. (it tore...tears...me up)
 I don't know if this can work, I don't know whether it should work, but I was going to try, but it takes two to make this last. I'll let you go, it'll be ok....you just have to tell me.
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